Year end rhetoric

When I close my eyes, I can easily place myself into a familiar surrounding of the past. The apartment that I recently lived in, the house I grew up in, favorite coffee shops, church rooms. As I, in my imagination, sit in a favorite chair the family room of my childhood home, I hear the tick-tocking of the coo-coo clock, the humming of the refrigerator, and the faint singing of birds in the trees outside the window. I can smell the familiar smell, feel the familiar dryness of the air-conditioning (for this is a quiet summer afternoon), and I feel the presences of my parents, who still reside there. It's peaceful.

But what's this new impression in the mix? Sadness? Discontentedness? Dissatisfaction with the known and established? How long has this feeling influenced the atmosphere? The thirst for something more, some new experience, wisdom and knowledge--hasn't it been building for some few years? Adventures were still to be had: I hadn't lived over twenty miles away from Fresno.

But here, I'm comfortable. This home, this fortress of protection and good memories; it's a sanctuary and a refuge. Rather, it used to be. In my memory, it still is.

How dangerous is it to retreat into memories, visions from the past? How steep of a slope is it to bask in the comfort of a cheery home of long ago? It is so easy to remember only the pleasantries. What of the dissatisfactions and irksome ambitions? Are they to be forgotten?

At this point, I could carefully drudge up the unpleasant things and feelings that occurred. I could carefully outline and state the things that annoyed me to no end or gave me grief, whether severe or simple. Perhaps that would be worthwhile--an exercise to remind me that the past is best left where it is, and that the present and future deserve all of my current attention.

But what of this contemplation? Is it useless? Am I wasting my time and language on an unimportant activity?Maybe this is a tribute to the past in another effort to make a truce with it. As you can see, the waves of consideration go back and forth, up and down, and it is easy to be swayed by them. Maybe I am not making sense anymore. I seem to have gotten lost in this dim fog. Of what was I speaking before? Oh yes. Visiting places lost in the past.

While I am not ready to say that contemplation of the past is to be totally rejected, my conclusion is that it can be dangerous. If I spent all my time imagining myself in places that I will never be able to return to, what happens to my present situation? If I dedicate my energy to remembering, what energy will be left to create and achieve in the present, and dream of the future? Yes; the past is important, but more so is the present. After all, there is glory in the future, not the past, and the process of growing and being pruned is a thing of the present.

Onward I look, with my face to the light before me. There will doubtless be darkness that will try to swallow me up, but it will fail. Jesus Christ is my Gain, Holy Spirit is my Guide. And Holy Father? He is as His name declares: my Father. Holy, huge, and loving. The Father of lights. What can stop me? Fearlessly I go on.

Year 2012, bring it on.

'Tis the Season! (Does that phrase make you cringe, too?)

Dear friends,

Today is one of those cloudy and dark days where it's hard to not be gloomy by the end of it. But I guess it's okay, because it's been a bit difficult to get into the "Christmas spirit," though it hasn't been from a lack of trying. This past weekend, I went to two Christmas productions, shopped in a mall (which was decorated and had Christmas music playing), and drove down a few streets with houses draped with twinkle-lights. The weather has even been trying to help me out. The day we celebrated Thanksgiving (no, it isn't usually celebrated here), it rained all day. That was nice! And for the past few days, it's been cloudy and rainy. Soon we'll get a Christmas tree and I'll probably stop being weirded out with the warmer weather. And if I'm not, oh well.

The end.

And the sun rises...

Hello friends!

The last entry to this blog wasn't pleasant, but this one is! :)

Since the last post, I've met new friends (YAY!), started busking (being a street musician), and washing windows (today was my first day at windows). These are all very cool things, and they're connected to each other. I'll tell you how: meeting friendly people my age boosted my confidence to go busking (as well as encouragement from facebook friends... you all rock). The first day, I earned $50 in three hours. That boosted my confidence to go window washing today. I did one job. The owner was a nice old man who seemed like he wanted some company, so when I was done with the windows I had some tea with him. At the end of it (about 2.5 hours, including the job), he handed me a $50 and didn't want change. Woohoo! I was so glad that I just went straight home and called windows good. Then I cleaned up and went busking for two more hours, earning $40. Not bad, not bad.

Anyway, my whistle is clearer and my voice is singing more. There's a spring in my step and a sparkle in my eye. I'm excited for life and SO excited to see what comes around.

Speaking of excited for life, I'd like to share one thing with you that kinda blew my mind: Enjoy what you do. I think it's probably possible. Vacuuming, washing windows, playing music on the street, helping people out at a counter... I don't know. But whatever you do, if you decide to enjoy it, you might start to. And then everything is much more pleasant.

There you go. Time for evening tea!

Peace,
Sarah