Year end rhetoric

When I close my eyes, I can easily place myself into a familiar surrounding of the past. The apartment that I recently lived in, the house I grew up in, favorite coffee shops, church rooms. As I, in my imagination, sit in a favorite chair the family room of my childhood home, I hear the tick-tocking of the coo-coo clock, the humming of the refrigerator, and the faint singing of birds in the trees outside the window. I can smell the familiar smell, feel the familiar dryness of the air-conditioning (for this is a quiet summer afternoon), and I feel the presences of my parents, who still reside there. It's peaceful.

But what's this new impression in the mix? Sadness? Discontentedness? Dissatisfaction with the known and established? How long has this feeling influenced the atmosphere? The thirst for something more, some new experience, wisdom and knowledge--hasn't it been building for some few years? Adventures were still to be had: I hadn't lived over twenty miles away from Fresno.

But here, I'm comfortable. This home, this fortress of protection and good memories; it's a sanctuary and a refuge. Rather, it used to be. In my memory, it still is.

How dangerous is it to retreat into memories, visions from the past? How steep of a slope is it to bask in the comfort of a cheery home of long ago? It is so easy to remember only the pleasantries. What of the dissatisfactions and irksome ambitions? Are they to be forgotten?

At this point, I could carefully drudge up the unpleasant things and feelings that occurred. I could carefully outline and state the things that annoyed me to no end or gave me grief, whether severe or simple. Perhaps that would be worthwhile--an exercise to remind me that the past is best left where it is, and that the present and future deserve all of my current attention.

But what of this contemplation? Is it useless? Am I wasting my time and language on an unimportant activity?Maybe this is a tribute to the past in another effort to make a truce with it. As you can see, the waves of consideration go back and forth, up and down, and it is easy to be swayed by them. Maybe I am not making sense anymore. I seem to have gotten lost in this dim fog. Of what was I speaking before? Oh yes. Visiting places lost in the past.

While I am not ready to say that contemplation of the past is to be totally rejected, my conclusion is that it can be dangerous. If I spent all my time imagining myself in places that I will never be able to return to, what happens to my present situation? If I dedicate my energy to remembering, what energy will be left to create and achieve in the present, and dream of the future? Yes; the past is important, but more so is the present. After all, there is glory in the future, not the past, and the process of growing and being pruned is a thing of the present.

Onward I look, with my face to the light before me. There will doubtless be darkness that will try to swallow me up, but it will fail. Jesus Christ is my Gain, Holy Spirit is my Guide. And Holy Father? He is as His name declares: my Father. Holy, huge, and loving. The Father of lights. What can stop me? Fearlessly I go on.

Year 2012, bring it on.