Dancing

Sometimes when one lists things to praise God for, the reason is because they feel really happy and joyful and can't help but let the praises overflow to the written word visible to others. Other times, the reason is because one feels depressed and very unhappy and decides to list things to praise God for as a therapeutic exercise--a "yet I will praise the Lord, for He is good and has given me good things" proclamation, if you will.

This post, dear reader, is of the former category. I just feel so happy! I tend to be dramatic, so everything is either a crazy celebration or a battle to the death... and for the past few months, I've felt myself going through more fighting than dancing. (Neither is better than the other; they're different kinds of good.) So while I know there will be more "battles" in the future, I will savor this happiness and use its energy for this list of praises.

- Holy Father created me! Not only did He think about creating me, He did it. And now that He's done it, He hasn't rejected me or neglected me. On the contrary, He promises to help me, keep me, love me, like me, be with me... forever. All these next praises are because every good and perfect gift comes from Him.
- I have a job. One that won't end in a week or two. One that is with kind and interesting people. One where they like me and are glad to have me. Last week, I was worried about where I was going to find money because I couldn't bear to wash windows anymore (couldn't handle the 80% rejection) and busking was also close to becoming unbearable. In addition to that, I'd become spoiled by the job in the vineyard, where I worked with people--people with whom I could carry conversations through the whole day and actually start investing in relationships. Going back to windows and busking seemed lonely and fruitless. (Or should I say "grapeless"? Bad joke. Sorry.)
- I have friends. Whether I am able to hang out with you in person, over skype, or through facebook, I appreciate that you like me and that some of you even like me enough to want me to fight or dance harder, and that you exhibit this by encouraging or exhorting me. You know who you are (I think... do you??). Thank you.
- I went for an exercise excursion this evening. (I've ceased to call them "walks," "jogs," or "runs," because they usually involve all three to some extent.) At one point, I decided to run up a hill to a certain point. I knew it was going to be difficult, and that I was going to want to quit at 3/4 of the way up. So I said to myself, "Okay. It's not going to kill me. At the worst, I'll throw up and/or faint. If that happens, someone will find me eventually since I'm in a neighborhood. And that probably won't happen, anyway." I decided on where I'd start running and where I'd stop, and I did it with determination. A funny thing happened near the end: my legs actually went slower and slower. I didn't want them to, but they did! Every single step was a battle! I ended as soon as I was *maybe* at the decided finish line, and I was wheezing and coughing for the rest of the way up and down the hills towards home. It was quite uncomfortable. But I did it. And I didn't die. Or faint. Or throw up. I almost wanted to die, though. But I didn't do that, either. Instead, I proved that I was stronger than the momentary discomfort. (Heck yeah, I am.)
- As I stated before, these things are possible because (read carefully)....

Holy Spirit is with me. He promises to help me, to hold me, to cherish me, to train me, to guide me, to have relationship with me.


That reminds me: Relationship.

Sometimes, it seems like a relationship with God is viewed as one-way. Some see it as them talking to God as if listening to them is the only thing He wants to do. Others see it as them listening to God, as if talking to them is the only thing He wants to do. Both are mistaken. Because it's a relationship, being two-ways. See? YES, God likes to listen to you. YES, God likes to talk to you. He likes both! He likes the interaction that is in the nature of relationship. If He wanted you to be a drone, He would have made you a drone. But He didn't want a drone (and still doesn't). He wants a friend. A daughter/son. A lover. Someone with their own will. This has been blowing my mind for a while now. I hope it blows yours, too.

That's all. Thanks for reading!

P.S. I think my writing style is better when I'm slightly depressed. This post that I'm writing in a happy frame of mind is a bit scattered. Apologies.